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: Whats Wrong with Super Mario Galaxy? (Wii)

Alot can be said about how good this game is. I think its bloody AWESOME! but that doesn't mean its perfect. Almost every review is like 9 or 10 outta 10 and only really highlights the good bits. Well I'm here to tell you about the shit parts.

When you see this screen you just lose all control. Well I didn't but I hear you do.

The one game on the wii that doesn't look like crap on a HD tv!

This game has a real Rareware vibe to it. In the way that some levels feel very Banjo like; especially the bee levels. The graphic effects used are very much like the Conkers Bad Fur day remake on the xbox. With the fur graphics, flares, etc and overly large monsters... but more on that later. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, I'm just saying it's been done many years ago. It's nothing new in that sense.



1. Story:
Lets face it... they always try and make the story cute. But what I dont get .. they make it cute... then they show you a movie of bowser blowing up shit, like something seen from a Die Hard movie. Cuteness  works for the Yoshi stories, but I think its time to let go of the kiddie story line at the start, or better yes, just get rid of the whole story line.

Did anyone actually take any notice of the story line in the old Mario games? It was just.... start the game and finish 'til the final Bowser battle and thats it. Mario needs a story like this: "Shit!, Bowser took the Princess that Mario seems to be in love with but wont admit.. probably due to possible cheating with Mario's brother.".

Mario 64 didn't even have a story did it? Just a letter from Peach and a "how to use the camera" tutorial and you were thrown in. That's how it should be. This is the story from Super Mario Galaxy when you first start the game. I have edited it on how I think it should of been written.

"Every weekend the toads, get together and have a few too many magic mushrooms, then they all they think they saw a comet."

"The comet was so large one year, they didn't wake up 'til about a week after the party. When they woke up they thought they dreamed about shit falling from the sky."

"They found fallen stars, which they later realised was just roof tiles which had fallen off one of the castles roofs. Once they brought them together, they became a Biggggg roof tile!"

"It should have been a sign that the toads should stop getting on the mushrooms and just be happy... but what was to come next was tragic!"

So after all that, Mario recieves yet another letter. Does anything good happen when he gets a letter?

Looks like a Dear John letter to me! Well you know what usally happens every time he gets a letter.

Mario thinks he's going to score now. Hope the Princess never see's him running like this? Could explain alot, he could get away with it in Mario World when he was getting ready to fly. But I don't see a cape now!

Bowsers air ships are back, but this time they actually do something, rather than float around being just a place for a mini boss.

Look, back in the day you would have seen kids crying over the destruction of the Mushroom Kingdom. But now its socially acceptable with GTA's life moto of "You can blow any shit you like up!"

2. Controls:

I can hear people saying... "Whats wrong with the controls?". Nothing apart from the fact you no longer have an attack button like in Mario 64. I hate having to get close to a enemy and throw my arm like some idiot. Why can't he punch anymore? Does he have to do some spin that looks retarded? At least have an option to change from motion to button control! That's what I hated about Zelda; your arm shouldn't get sore just playing a video game.

It's like this at uni:

Student : "Doug, why are you holding your arm like you damaged it playing sports"

Doug : "Was playing the wii"



Student : "You have a sore arm playing a video game? Now I've heard it all"

Doug : "Try swinging ya remote like a idiot just to hit shit for 4 hours straight"

Student : "You're a pussy"

3. Star collecting:

As this game only came out in .au yesterday, I havn't really had a massive chance to play this game. I'm only about half way through at the moment. I'm unsure what the whole 120 stars do, but it better be better then opening up a canon to talk to Yoshi. I hear collecting 60ish stars is fairly easy. The one thing I have noticed that, some extra missions to get stars are either very hit or very miss. Some missions will be awesome and some times it will be "did they even try?". It's like two extremes.

4. Coins:
Collecting coins in this game doesn't really do much. It almost feels like an after thought. Coins this time replace life? How does that work? When I'm injured I'll just rub a $50 note on myself and I'll be alright? This is the one big thing that annoyed me; why not collect 100 coins again? Or make it worth while to collect coins. It just feels they shouldn't of even bothered.

5. Level Design:
As I'm only through about 50% of this game, I would have to say I'm farily impressed with the levels. Although, having said that, some levels feel very "trapt". In the fact that you have little to explore, while others will be huge. Like Mario 64 got the balance just right, but this one is all over the place.

 Try doing this at Sea World!

Good to see the mushroom kingdom / Galaxy upgarded to projection screens.

6. Powers:
It's good to see the powers back.. But what about the old ones!? The metal suit would have been awesome; even better, what about the water cannon? Imagine Zero gravity water cannon, that would be insane in space!

The bee suit is an awesome idea, but it just doesn't last enough.. to make it annoying as hell. Like just one half a second of power more would just get you easily up to ledges you want to. But painfully often misses, so it's like a painful joke. As for the others, I just have to say, yeah from what I read they all have their negatives.



Are you coming onto me?

Expect this to happen alot

7. Monsters:
Monsters in this game seem to take a page from Rareware's Conkers Bad Fur Day in the way the monsters are usually huge and have one really obvious "hit me" point. The whole 3 hits and your dead becomes a bit tedious after a while; you would think they would mix it up a bit, wouldn't you?

So that wraps up, my "negative only" review of this game!

Ranted by Doug




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